Mr. (Non)Telephone Man

Imported from A Belle In Brooklyn

Tuesday, August 5, 2008 at 8:31AM

I have a text-er story, but mine doesn’t nearly rival this one, sent in by Southern Lady, who was inspired by the strong reactions in the comment section about men who type their way through “associations.”

Thanks for sharing, SL!!!

Anybody else with a good, bad dating story? Or you want me to cover some topic that I haven’t, send me an email


“Do you have texting? Because I’m a texter.”

That’s what he said. I should have believed him. But I wanted to hold out hope. I detest “text relationships” meaning I don’t make dates, argue, break up or make up over text messaging (although text flirting doesn’t hurt). I use it for its intended purpose—to conveniently send short messages. ‘I’m on my way.’ ‘Do you have whatshisname’s number?’ Stuff like that. Not mention, I recently upgraded my phone, yet downgraded to limited texts. Respect my phone bill, dude, or pay it!

But this tall, handsome, single, God-fearing man with no kids, nearly ten years my senior clearly had potential. After meeting at a gathering of some mutual friends, we’d talked for nearly an hour before he dropped this bomb. We seemed to have a lot in common so I decided to give him a chance.

We came to an understanding about the text messaging and exchanged numbers. After the party, there was a text from him waiting in my inbox:

Great meeting you. This will be the last text I send you since you have limited texts. Boo!

Cute, I thought. Kudos to him.

I called him later that night and we had a great conversation. The next morning, I received a text from him asking for my email address as an alternative form of communication. I obliged, figuring he’d send cute little messages every now and again during the day. Aren’t those the greatest?

After a week (and no date), my inbox was FLOODED with random emails about nothing. No cute little “how’s your day?’ messages. His emails consisted of three to four paragraphs of randomness at its best, i.e., what he ate for lunch or what club he hit on Friday night. Getting to know each other is one thing, but giving me your daily routine rundown is—as we say down South—‘a whole ‘nother story.’ I was worried about the number of messages and their frivilous content, but I brushed my concerns off. I’ve been told I can be a tad too hard on men. I thought maybe this was an excuse to keep me from really liking him. (I had a slight issue with his age, and I think he did, too. I’m 27, he was 37!)

We continued to have a few phone conversations (still no date!), but ultimately, Mr. Texter and I were going nowhere fast. One thing that was constant though, was the messaging. Of course, we had some misunderstandings. I mean it’s easy to get things all mixed up between two parties when there’s no outlet to show real emotion or really communicate (it’s a phone/computer for God’s sake!).

One Saturday morning, he texted me to share his daily activities. He was having his car detailed. Two hours later, I received another text asking why I didn’t show up at “the restaurant.” Huh? I called him to get the details that I obviously missed. Apparently, he’d texted me asking me to meet him at a spot for lunch while he waited for his car. I never received that message.

By that time, he’d already eaten so the lunch date idea was no longer an option. But he was still at the spot though, and that was conveniently located in the shopping complex I was headed toward. I agreed to meet him at Macy’s.

When I saw him, there was a totally different vibe from our first meeting. We didn’t do much, but walk around the mall and talk and I mentioned to him that his messaging was quite frequent (Hint, hint!) Of course, he thought it was completely normal. (One day I will accept that men don’t take hints well…at all. Sometimes you have to gut- punch them!)

Around 11 p.m. that night, all of the messages he sent prior to our meeting popped up in my Gmail inbox. As a matter of fact, several other messages he’d sent from days before were now there. Apparently, he was the only contact whose messages were delayed. Ding! I mentioned this to him, hoping he’d take it as a (another) sign to cut down the emails and texts and actually call me. Instead, he suggested I contact my cell phone provider because the problem had to be on my end. Ha! Because he’s a man and men believe in providing quick solutions, he suggested I try using my Blackberry email address from now on. Go figure.

I wanted to like him. I did. So foolishly, I gave him the Blackberry address and the random messages continued. Some of them were actually the “How’s your day going?” messages I was hoping for. Some I even replied to, but all the non-verbal communication came to a halt the day he texted me saying he was near my workplace. I replied asking where he was in relation to me so we could meet up.

No reply.

I received a message two hours later:

I ate lunch at the South Street Deli. Mmm good… It sure is hard catching up with you.

Hmmm…Did I miss something? I replied:

Why didn’t you answer when I asked where you were? I was planning on meeting you.

His response:


What the hell is that? OMG, IDK and LOL are about the only text abbreviations I know.

Mr. Texter’s irk factor had officially skyrocketed. To make sure I wasn’t crazy, I called him later that night to get clarity on what really happened with the meeting. No answer. Yet there’s a message in my phone’s inbox sent at 6:45 a.m. the next morning. Huh? Why didn’t call me?

I’d had it. I called to tell him that he had to relax on the messaging or we could no longer associate (because we sure as hell weren’t dating). Again, no answer. But the next morning, he sent another text, something about his “A.M. workout.”

I had no choice. I began to totally ignore his messages. (Kick rocks, buddy!) I really hate doing that, but… I have two jobs and a consistent social life that does not require texting and emailing. At some point there’s so much communication, that there’s NO communication. Since the insurgence of cell phones, email, etc., our communication skills have reached an all time low. If you texted me to ask what I’m doing, do you really want to know? Of course, you don’t. Why text someone just so they can call you back. Foolery, indeed! Yes, I am guilty of sending texts or emails because I didn’t want to deal with the person at that time. We all are. But there’s a time when you actually need to pick up a telephone and talk to a person, if not face to face. At some point we have to recognize texting and emailing for the cop-out that they are.

Regarding Mr. Texter, there are several questions I could ask. Was he just not that into me? Did he play games? Was he lazy? I’d say all three. Whatever he was, he finally stopped texting me and I now have a clean inbox and a lower cell phone bill.


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