Ladies in Waiting

Earlier this week, I was IM’ing a friend. I consider her to be a little sister of sorts even though we’ve never even met in person.  She’s only about 20 years old. The conversation entailed me giving her reasons not to lurk around on her ex-boyfriend’s Facebook page (as if I could talk), since she’s dating someone else. She made a note to stay focused, and then she made this statement:

“I don’t wanna be in the club at 30 looking for a husband. I’d rather drop dead.”

I wanted to laugh because it’s funny (30 sounds like a light years away when you’re under 25), but also because I know what possibly lies ahead. Time flies whether your having fun or not. You wake up and realize that 30 is a lot closer than you thought it was. I responded to her with something to the effect of, “Well, I hope you have someone to catch you, just in case, because it happens.” I know, I’m so encouraging.

The reality is these days you find women at the altar for prayer more than for marriage. This is not a post about Black women’s exceedingly high expectations leaving us manless. I don’t buy it and I’m so over it. There are many other factors that influence the eternal singlehood of women, and this is a major factor:

Men are waiting to get married. Women are, too, but honestly, we can’t marry a man until he is ready and willing. So, that leaves us….waiting or not marrying at all because our patience has run out.   The National Marriage Project at Rutgers University reported that men are waiting until the age of 27 on average to get married; whereas, women generally wait until 25. Why, you ask?

“Men don’t need to get married to get what they want these days — mainly sex — so they feel comfortable in putting off that long-term commitment until they have a few bucks in the bank, and a mortgage to pay off.”


Shocker. If this is news to any women reading this, do yourself a favor and go play in traffic NOW. I figure if a man can get unlimited sex by several different women while trying to establish himself (ballin’ on a budget), why would he want to marry and take on more emotional and financial responsibility with just one woman? I hate to say it because it’s so unfair to us, but it makes sense. (Dodging bullets). Selfish, but logical.

Over time we have gotten it confused. There is power in the P*, indeed. A man has to wait for a woman to say yea or nay to sleep with her, but a woman has to wait for a man to say ‘I do.’

Meanwhile, we’re chomping at the bit, growing more frustrated by the second, as if we can actually hear our biological clocks ticking away–and it sounds like a time bomb. And you wonder why we have such attitudes? Hormones are a bitch.

It’s a dirty game, but somebody has to play it. How can we meet each other half-way so both parties can win? At what point do we consider each other’s lives, futures, wants and needs and sacrifice for those things? I have no idea, but compromise must be apart of the solution.


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