Running to Love or Running Away?

About two summers ago, I boarded a flight to New York City. Whenever I find my seat on a plane, only three things are on my mind: prayer, music and sleep. I do whatever I have to do to make sure that happens, including already having my earplugs in and sunglasses on (rain or shine). My demeanor always says to my seat neighbor: Leave me alone.

This flight would be no different, especially since it was nonstop and about five hours. To my dismay, the guy who would be my flight buddy, turned out to be a talker. Oddly enough, I talked back. It was casual conversation, then on to what we do for a living and what we were going to NYC for. He was actually traveling to his home in New Jersey for a quick trip during his six-month contract at our utility company here in Memphis.

The Sprites and peanuts must have gotten the best of me because before I knew it, I was sharing headphones with him while we watched Superbad. It was my first time seeing it, and I rolled! He seemed to find my random, loud outbursts of laughter cute (hilarious?), obviously. We finally landed, and just before we parted ways, he asked me for my number. I obliged.

Here’s the thing: He was Indian. Like born and raised for the most part in India (I forget where exactly). If you know me, you know I am about as pro-black as anyone can get. I’m the female equivalent of Michael Evans on Good Times, also known as the “Militant Midget.” I’m not down with “The Swirl” and even though a few white guys have tried to holler, I’ve never ever given it a serious thought. Give me the Black men, please.

Now here comes this Indian guy, and I gave him my number. I thought about the countless news stories and dating experts that suggest dating outside of your race as a go-to solution for being single. My first thought: Go ahead and try it. It’s not like he’ll call anyway. Was it that hard to believe that a non-black man would find me attractive?

I was wrong. Not only did he call a week later, but he’d also sent me a cute little text while I was in NYC. When I returned home we had a few phone conversations and even set a movie date. I went. It was okay. It was weird, too. What was more weird? Him trying to get fresh with me in the theater or the black guy who stared at me constantly, nudging his girlfriend to look at us.

Two things I learned after that brief dating stint: (1) A man is a man. After he extended an invitation to his house afterwards, I realized that wanting to have sex on the first date is universal. It knows no color (or gender, for that matter). (2) I am most comfortable with a Black man. Point black, period.Will I ever date another race again? I honestly don’t know.

This is my issue with everyone suggesting we just up and date interracially when we fail to be successful with our own. Is it done out of sheer chance of meeting, dating, being attracted to and falling in love with someone who happens to be **insert race**? Or is it done out of spite?

I have a problem with the latter. How many times have you heard or said this, even jokingly, “I just can’t deal with these black men/women! I’mma get me a white man/woman.” * When you do this, you’re dealing with the problem indirectly. Is going out purposely looking for something else changing/improving your or his/her shortcomings? Nope. Some people may be able to deal with flaws better than others, but a nag is a nag and a cheater is cheater. I don’t think race is the #1 determining factor in levels of tolerance either.

If the intent of interracial dating is to provide shock value and pat yourself on the back for doing “something new”, you’re in it for the wrong reasons, just as I was. I initially considered dating the guy as doing something out of the norm for me–something I could check off my list. It didn’t blossom into anything, though I’m not sure if I would have let it. (Just being honest) I still have the pom pons out for my black men.

What’s your take on interracial relationships? What have been your experiences, if any?

*I think every race is guilty of this, but since I’m black, I can only speak from that standpoint.


11 thoughts on “Running to Love or Running Away?

  1. First of all GREAT post!

    I’ve dated men of all colors, my dating history is like a bag of Skittles lol. Like you, I am most comfortable with a nice tall, chocolate black man, but I’ve always been open to other races. It’s never been anything intentional, I’ve just always gotten to know them as people first and then it lead to more. I never saw myself as dating a *insert race here* man…just a man because I knew who they were inside first. If they made me laugh, were attractive and didn’t give me the creeps I usually gave them a shot.

    Some of the best times I’ve had in relationships/situations have been with men outside of my race…which I find kind of sad. I know that good black men exist, it just sucks that in my personal experience, most of the black men I’ve dated have been more bad than good. Still doesn’t make me lose hope though!!

    Having a preference is cool (like I said I have one myself), but I think people should be open to love of all colors not just out of spite, self hatred or to not seem racist in some way, but simply because love comes in so many unexpected forms; you don’t want to limit your chances at finding the happiness you deserve in whatever form it takes!

  2. I have dated outside my race. And its something I’m always open to. The main thing I like, relationship or not, is people who like me. Speaking from my perspective, I’ve felt either you got it like that or you don’t. And its not a knock on you if you’re not willing to try.

  3. Wow.. oddly enough that almost sounds like me for the 1st part. Women feel very comfortable with me very quickly, and i dont try and flirt with everyone, just chill and friendly. But i would never try the whole come to my crib the first date, wack!.. lol..

    I liked the story though. Definitely going to continue reading.

    • ThAnks for reading, Chuck. I think I surprised myself how closed-minded I was about the guy. I think I thought because he was Indian, he’d be different–the hands-off guy. Maybe he’d been “Americanized.” me thinking that is the same as a black only dating white women because they’re viewed as pushovers.

  4. I thought this was very interesting and maybe a topic many should speak out about. I live in an area where this happens quite often, I mean everywhere you turn, this is all you see in Austin. However, I have dated outside of my race with a Peurtorican. I found myself comfortable around him to the point race was not an issue. Not saying I would or would not date outside my race but I think having an open mind to diversity, exploration, and being comfortable with your feelings about the situation is what bring us to making such decisions. I love the black man and will stand side by side with them because of history itself. Many people come into relationships with preconcieived notions but feelings are feelings, a man is a man, whats right is right , different strokes for different folks. We have to be mentally prepared to deal with society sometimes when may be faced with being “outside the norm” .

  5. Great post! I love my black men, and believe me when I say I love them black! I am extremely color struck. The blacker the better!However; I have considered dating outside of my race. I’ve been approached by white and hispanic men, but I never thought much of it. Dating outside of my race at this point in my life would be moreso out of spite than for the right reasons. I’ve become frustrated with dating some of the black men in Memphis. This is not to say that I’ve given up on them, but I am getting close. I worry about what my family and friends would think if was in an interracial relationship, and that does make me hesitant. In the end I know that what God has for me is definitely for me, and if that man happens to be of a different race, then so be it.

  6. Personally I have never dated interactially and am all for the black menz lol

    I have had plenty of opportunities to date outside my race, but have not accepted any of those offers mainly because thats not something I want to do. I’m interested in black men and to me there is not a shortage of black men for black women.

    When I hear people say that they can’t find a good black man/woman so they are going to date other races that says to me that you want an excuse to try something new. You don’t need an excuse. Date who you like…

    Also it kills me to see someone struttin like George Jefferson just because they have someone of a different race as their companion…who cares. You get no pat on the back for dating interracially..there is no prize for that.

  7. I give you much credit for being open to inflight conversation. I’m like you, eqipped with my shades and ipod when I fly. I don’t like chatty neighbors and prefer to zone out. I think it’s cool you stepped outside the box and didn’t shut his friendly convo down the moment it started.

    Now, as for going on a date… hey, you gave it a try. Not so much that he was Indian, but that you met a guy, had a decent convo, gave your number and went out!! Lots of women don’t even do that. Everyone is entitled to their preference and you prefer black men. Nothing is wrong with that… and I totally agree that you should be open to love no matter what shape/color it comes in… but dating interracially just to experiment isn’t necessarily the best.

    Myself, my husband is Japanese and Black. He was born in Japan to a Japanese mother. His dad is black/mixed and he grew up identifying more with his Asian roots than anything else… hell, he looks more Samoan lol… but I’ve found that love is love and if someone wins your heart that isn’t what you thought you’d end up with then it’s not that important.

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