In about 26 days or so, I’ll be 2010. 2000-damn-10! I remember celebrating 2009 in Atlanta like yesterday. This year has flown by at warp speed. Maybe that’s a testament to my getting older. Earlier this year, I wrote a list of goals. I don’t call them resolutions because that’s a sure fire way to blow them. I’ve hardly checked anything off of the list, but just because it’s December, doesn’t mean I have to stop trying to achieve those goals.
Last night, my male BFF made a comment about my personality that I think about often. I (and he) find it quite odd about myself. He says, “You’re like, soft. But not soft, ya know. You’re a pansy. You cry over commercials, but when it comes to your principals and relationships, you’re super hard.”
Yep, that’s me. I cry over everything–songs, movies, children, whatever. Just last week, I laid in my bed and cried a river watching Bride Wars. I’m very sentimental, but I never show to other people. F’d up, indeed, but I’m trying to change that. So far, I’m doing well.
A guy I met a while back broke a date over some foolishness. After hearing his lame excuse of why he couldn’t make it, I immediately wanted to tell him that I thought he was full of shit and had been thinking such for a while. (Don’t ask why I continued to entertain him.) In true fashion, I just let it ride. Two weeks later, he calls to ask if I was “mad” at him. The old me would have said, “Me? Mad? Nah, I’m good.” Instead, I went in on him. I didn’t do it to make him feel like an ass. Clearly, he was already there or he wouldn’t have called. I simply told him my take on the situation in a calm voice and that was it. He got the point. It’s over.
That, even though I’m not emotionally or physically invested in him, was liberating. It could be because I have no attachments to him, I was able to express myself so freely. In any case, I did, and it felt great. I’m hoping to keep the ball rolling with someone who I actually care about this time. Progress has no expiration date.