Ask This Guy: Straight, No Chaser

We had a great date. Why didn’t he call? Why does he only text me? Why won’t he open up to me? On and on….Ugh. Ladies, we’ve all been there at some point. Most of the time, we’ll vent to besties or other loved ones, but rarely do we go to straight to the source: the man. Since when can a woman give you authentic insight into what a man is really thinking? We think too differently about a lot of issues, though we may want the same things. Lately, we’ve been advised to tell ourselves, “He’s just not that into me,” but deep down, we still want an explanation…for everything. Maybe we’re programmed that way.

Meet this guy.

“Half are gonna hate; the other half will want to date.”

He’s a 30-something single  professional who wants to help the ladies out. If you ever want things from a male perspective, no chaser—talk to him. I’ll be posting questions and answers periodically. If you have a question, email

Women, I hope you’re sitting down for this one:

1. What is going on with a guy when he only wants to take you on free dates?

He is either cheap, broke or spending his money on the next chick. However, do you have a good time on the date? Who ever said a guy has to spend money to have a good time on a date? Look at how you feel when you go out with him, not how much he spends. What have you paid for?  A walk in the park and a visit to the “free” art gallery is a great date with the right person.

2. How much weight do you put on physical beauty?

A LOT! One of the primary needs of a man is to have an attractive spouse. Men are visual creatures, and the more attractive a woman is, the more men are willing to do in order to get and keep her attention.  It’s one thing if a Beyonce cusses you out when you get home for leaving a bowl on the counter, instead of in the dishwasher. It’s another when a woman who looks like Gabby Sidebe woman does the same thing.

The more attractive a woman is, the easier it is for a man to overlook and even ignore some of the things she does that he doesn’t like, the more men seek after her and are willing to jump through a few “hoops” to conquer her. Men are not wired to be as emotional as women, so there MUST be some type of physical attraction for a man to be really into you. On the other hand, you will see women flock to even the most unattractive men, if they are financially well off. You might not personally do it, but there is an endless supply of attractive women waiting for EVERY rich guy somewhere, even if he has one eye like a Cyclops. A woman can fake it to get the financial benefits. Beauty is so important to a man however, you will rarely see guys put up with an extremely unattractive woman, even if she is wealthy.

However, ATTITUDE is what can make or break your looks. A woman with a nice attitude can easily upgrade her overall looks from a 5 to a 7 or 8 and be desired by a man. A woman with a bitchy attitude can downgrade herself as well, because Men know that God didn’t stop making fine women when he made you, so if you have a bad attitude, we don’t care how good you look, a real man isn’t gonna deal with that shit.

3. Why do nice men like bitchy women?

No one likes bitchy women! Sometimes guys allow women to get away with things because of something they may be getting in return, so one never can tell exactly why a guy puts up with the woman that just won’t stop bitchin’. I can say for sure he doesn’t like it, but somehow must have found a “happy place” to escape to to allow him to continue to deal with her.

4. Why can’t men see past a woman’s past?

Unfortunately all dirty deeds can’t be forgiven. If you were gang bang girl back in college and he finds out about it, it’s probably going to be hard for him to get over. Every guy wants to have “a” freak but no guy wants to be seen around with “the” freak. It demeans your value for a guy to know that you have slept with several people that he is acquainted with. The guy should not expect you to be a virgin, but he doesn’t want to hold your hand in a room full of guys that have you as a notch on their belts either. Wars have been fought over the chastity and value of a woman, so if everybody has had their way with you, how can a guy be proud to have you? Do you want a pair of shoes that seven of your girlfriends have worn?  However, unless your past is directly thrown up in his face repeatedly, if you are good enough to him, he will be able to overlook it because 10 times out of 10, he isn’t perfect either.

5. How do you know when she’s “The One”?

Men often commit to a woman when they feel that they won’t be able to get any better than what they have. She is deemed “The One” after he has mentally compared her to every other woman he has been with and has crossed referenced their flaws, as well as their accolades. If he then feels like it will be hard for him to find another woman with the same credentials as the one that he has, then he will stay with her. A bird in hand is worth ten in the bush.

Sometimes its not even a matter of the woman actually being “The One.” Sometimes she is just the Last One standing..LOL Tentatively speaking, a man will only get married when he is: 1) Is tired of the dating game, and he has found a woman he can tolerate (or is willing to tolerate him) 2) When he has found a woman that is out of his league, and he knows he will never find one better. 3) When he has been with a girl so long he may have no other choice but to marry her or lose her all together. 4) When his stock of females starts to plummet, and becomes afraid he may end up alone and  5) My favorite: When he is honestly in love with her.


3 thoughts on “Ask This Guy: Straight, No Chaser

  1. It’s always nice to have the male perspective but I feel like this is just repeating things women… or PEOPLE already know.

    Something my mom says, “Fools don’t heed the advice and wise people don’t need it…”

    I believe women and men know what the deal is people just aren’t being real with themselves.

  2. Good topic. I think men and women know exactly what they are looking for among one another when they meet. Like you said, people often times do not want to be real with one another and it could be because they both have seen and heard the same things before or that it may be difficult for either to express themselves. Playing it “safe”, is what I would gather from this. This is what makes communication and trust so complicated. While the male appears to handle this fairly well, the female get all emotionally drained behind this. My question is, if the man is really feeling this lady, why does he wait so long to step up to the plate? Does he not realize that this lady mind space will eventually tune him out and that he may end up losing his “soulmate”. Im just saying!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s