Dealing With the C-Word

At some point, in a familial, platonic or romantic relationship, whether it’s the demise of one or the fact that one was never cultivated, the c-word is often thrown around: closure.

After a woman goes on that date, answers that phone call or text that, unbeknownst to her, was the last, she often vents on the phone with her girlfriends saying, “I just wanted some closure.” What’s so difficult about ending a relationship on a “good note” by being real and explaining the who’s, what’s, when’s, where’s and why’s? Is it really that hard?

Depends on who you ask.  But that’s another story for another day. *Le sigh*

Actually, there’s no way to end a relationship on a “good note” when one person wants to end it and the other doesn’t. But, let’s just say you were to get that closure you thought you so desperately needed. What then?

The lack of closure, defined as “an often comforting or satisfying sense of finality,” is what keeps us hanging on to situations that are meant to die or atleast be put on hold. They are unsettled, hence, holding the power to keep some hanging in the balance some a while, sometimes for years. For the first time in my life after many, “I’m gonna call you backs” and “I’ll text you laters,” (yes, I’ve been an asshole and left guys hanging, too), I finally got the closure I’d thought I’d deserved for so long, even though I’ve never done the same for anyone else.

It was total blank stare moment.

I wanted to know why and when, and surely, he gave me a few blurred answers, but an explanation nonetheless. At that moment, there wasn’t much to do with the information provided but blink a few times, and say, “Umm, okay.” All that wishing and wanting for this so-called closure only rendered a two-word response (well, maybe it was a bit more than that)! It was much appreciated, but it wasn’t all I hoped it would be. Unlike I’d imagined, it didn’t give me the magical go-ahead to move on, nor did it make me feel any differently about the situation. I guess I was just happy to get it because I’d never gotten it before. There’s really a first time for everything.

I swirled our closure conversation around in my mind more than a few times. Since I’m a woman, I came up with a few theories of my own. I can’t say that wondering why he felt the way he did was any better than wondering why it ended had he not talked to me about it. As my grandmother would say, “It’s just one of dem thangs.”

So, in short, because we’re human, we’ll always have questions, even when we can deal with the outcomes. And that’s okay. I take nothing away from men and women who were abandoned by or lost their parents or loved ones, significant others, etc., who really feel they need answers to make sense of this crazy thing called life. Though we don’t always get them, we all definitely deserve them. For me though, closure was more of a courtesy than a ticket to reconciliation and contentment. I am the only one who can control my reaction to it all, which ultimately affects my happiness.

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