On this week’s episode of Love and Hip Hop (Yes, I’m still watching.), Scrappy and his child’s mother, Erica, had a discussion about him dating another woman so soon after they called it quits (which he blatantly lied about, but that’s another story). A little background: They’ve been on and off for 10 years. He’s gotten back with her repeatedly trying to reconcile their past issues, only to move out of their place, break up with her and begin dating his “best friend” all while singing another tune to her. During the conversation, Erica laid out her gripes and even shed tears, which seemed to be out of pure frustration. Scrappy said in his confessional that he couldn’t believe she cried. Finally, she showed some emotion, so he knew she cared. Oh, Scrappy.
I can relate to Erica’s struggle. Years ago, a guy I once really liked told me I had the emotion of a rock. Then, it actually hurt my feelings, but today, it’s pure comedy. I can laugh now because it was true, and even then, I knew I was being “rockish,” but I couldn’t believe that he saw it and called me out.
To scream and yell, throw tantrums and/or cry was a no-no for me. I didn’t see the point, but maybe I hadn’t encountered a situation that would get me that riled up. I was seen as maybe too strong and a no-bullshit-taker, but also as an enigma. Enigmas are no fun, atleast, not after a while. Over time, I understood better. It’s a terrible thing to have feelings for someone, but you can’t read them. They need an affirmation, a touch—something.
This whole “Break down, so I know it’s real” deal though? Nah.
So, you’re saying you need to see a woman literally cry tears, the ugly cry that makes the most beautiful women unattractive to know she cares for you? That she cares about how she’s being treated? True, no one can read minds, but I still don’t buy that way of thinking. It’s backwards. The goal should be NOT to make someone you care about cry or throw fits. You don’t need a woman’s reactions to signal that you’re playing with her emotions or you’re doing wrong. That’s something you know before you even do it.
You want to know how someone feels about you? Ask. Don’t act out to get a reaction out of them. That’s a telltale sign of an immature, even insecure person.
Teach people how to treat you by making your concerns known, yes, but that lesson shouldn’t have to include breakdowns, tears and fighting. For some women, it can eventually come to that point, but it’s usually when she’s had enough, and it’s too late.
For those who think playing these games is some sort of initiation process in relationships, ask yourself if the means is really worth what may wait in the end?